Sometimes a musical group will put out its own videos of fans dancing at its own concerts. Sometimes those videos have a lot of people sitting in chairs watching. Such is the case with the band BluzBenders, which as you can see, is rocking parts of Missouri.

You! Teens who are so young and full of life and not yet beaten down by the weight of the world!

Look upon these two. Do not laugh. Do not mock. Do not cruelly film it on your cell phone and put it on YouTube.

Because once you are 35, this is the coolest you will possibly be. This is it. The ceiling. You will be lucky to be this cool when you are 35.

Now spend the next 20 or so years haunted by that thought.

Shut up, Fosse. I GOT THIS.

At about 0:42, this woman proves exactly how hardcore she is.

We’re not sure what to make of this Drake guy, honestly, but apparently he has the power to cause near-riots at a free concert. Look, if your concert should turn into a riot, there’s no reason why you can’t dance. Hell, some of the best dancing happens under adverse circumstances and the more you’re dancing and swinging your arms, *the less chance you’ll be some defenseless schmoe getting smacked in the face because you were just standing there getting crushed.

* Assumption not confirmed or verified. Use with caution.

As the video evidence suggests, it doesn’t work as a mating dance, it turns out.

Is crowd surfing really a kind of dancing? Dance experts have been debating this for tens of thousands of years, but unfortunately the ones who began the conversation are now all dead and the ones who currently serve probably aren’t even aware that these conversations existed. Keeping a written record is not a dance expert’s strong suit. (What IS a strong suit? A reinforced leotard.) Anyhoo, crowd surfing, we can all agree, is definitely not dancing when it’s done this badly.

Give him space and some air. He really needs to utilize the area out here, to explore its possibilities. I’m sure he’s onto something. Just give him a sec. I’m sure he’s going to do something cool if we just… wait… for — OK, never mind. Pardon the intrusion.

This will stick with you the entire weekend. We promise.

The sound is like a trainwreck having sex with a cemetery, but we can’t get over the choice to film this otherwise negligible concert dancing video in black and white.

It makes it almost… artsy? French, even? Or Bergmanesque Swedish?

In our mind’s sequel to this video, Death appears and says, “There is nothingness. And there is shitty dancing. Between the two, I would choose the shitty dancing.”

So, we do.