You might think this dance is awful, even unwatchable, perhaps an affront to all that we hold dear as humans with rhythm. You might even be right. But if you look at is a dance of humility in praise of all that lawn furniture has done for us, then it sort of works. Just barely.

You may have forgotten already, but this guy is single-handedly keeping the spirit of Michael Jackson alive. All by himself.

Remember when we said we’d be back in January? We made it back just under the wire. Enjoy this hot Puerto Rican Parade granny action.

…for your approval. Thanks, guy in upper level, Seat V-206! Now that you’ve given them the signal, No Doubt is cool with doing an encore.

The Newcomer, who knew not of such things, asked the Sound Engineer, “Who’s that guy? The one with the professor sports coat?” The Sound Engineer surveyed the scene. He eyed the movement he beheld in front of him, took a long drag of his cigarette, and replied, “You see the way that guy shuffles? At first, we didn’t know what to make of it. Should we laugh? Point and stare? But he kept on with it. For days. Weeks. Shuffling and shuffling on end like he was sent by God himself in a fit of playful rage. We came to respect him. He never hurt nobody and maybe, on the edge of some infinity we can barely grasp, he’s got his reasons. We call him ‘Shuffle Shuffle Man.’ ” The Newcomer’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Why ‘Shuffle Shuffle?’ ” he asked. “Why not just use the word once?” The Sound Engineer adjusted slightly the gain on the drummer’s microphones as he rounded near a solo. “The guy shuffles. A LOT. Did you not just hear a word I said? Leave Shuffle Shuffle Man be,” the Sound Engineer said. “He’s still got lots of shufflin’ to do. I reckon.”

You can dance at an Iron Maiden concert, you can take your shirt off at an Iron Maiden and you can get drunk at an Iron Maiden concert, but doing all three at once is not something we advise.

FACT: The Great Pumpkin is an amazing concert dancer.

Happy Thanksgiving!

These ladies are having a great time even if the guys around them aren’t. Next time, ladies, leave those dudes at home.

Please, please, please let that be an air guitar this guy is twanging. Amen.