…you’d better have a good dance to back that shit up. Luckily, these guys do.

Hey, what’s up Towel Guy? I’ve seen you around and I just wanted to say I really dig how you, uh… Hello? Towel Guy? Can you hear me?

Oh, I get it. You’re grooving out. Probably don’t want people coming up and talking to you and — oh, snap! — I’m doing it right now. My bad, Towel Guy. I’m sorry. You keep, ah… toweling and dancing there and…

Shit. Can that guy even hear me? Hey, Towel Guy, if you can hear me, stop dancing.

Dude’s still dancing. Well, I give up. Later, Towel Guy.

Damn, not even a “Bye!” Or a friendly nod?

You know what? FUCK YOU, TOWEL GUY. FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING TOWEL! I HATE YOU! YOUR TOWEL IS STUPID! It probably stinks and is all wet and mildewy!

All right, listen, Towel Guy. We both said some things we didn’t mean. Mostly me, I know. It’s cool. I just dig your moves is all. Was hoping I could hang, but I see now that you are a one-man-one-towel wrecking crew. And I respect the crap out of that.

So let’s just part ways. Bye, Towel Man.

I kind of love you.

We cannot wholly endorse wholesale mockery of a concert dancer, as this kind of goes against our mission, but we can’t deny when it’s done as skillfullly as this and captured on camera.

It does really make us want to mock the mocker, though.

Did one of you tell grandma that maybe, perhaps, someday we might think about putting her in a “assisted-living facility?” Not a nursing home. An “assisted-living facility,” which is much nicer, we think.

Well, whichever one of you little bastards yapped, take a look in front of the stage and see what you’ve done.

Now we’ll never get her back in the car.

Just don’t kick us and we’ll be cool, a’ight?

These things take effort sometimes. Dancing at a concert in a way that’s worth the attention doesn’t just happen. You gotta start small, get some moves going, start up the cyclone with a little lawnmower pull-cable action.

So… uh… is anybody watching yet? Should I funk it up harder?

We had a sweet dream once. It was to watch a girl stand at the front of the balcony section and dance through an entire cover song by Leona Lewis.

IT TOTALLY CAME TRUE!

Fans from Nigeria dancing in Canada in 2007.

You thought you got a good laugh at this guy at the festival, calling him “Cletus” and “Jim Varney” and trying to read the back of his tie-dyed shirt. When he left early, you joked that he was going to fix a carburetor for the Dukes of Hazzard and then make some moonshine for Tom Petty.

Who was laughing hardest when you got home late and found him in bed with your mother in a twisted mass of sunburned limbs and hair?

Who was laughing then?

For anyone who’s ever dreamed of being on stage and showing the world what’s inside your soul…

For anyone who’s ever been stuck in a dead-end job and wished for one shining moment of grace in front of a large crowd of people…

For anyone who has ridiculous dance moves and has no problem performing them in public…

For anyone who ever wished they could be hated and admired by thousands of people at once…

… it’s too late. This guy beat you to it.