Is crowd surfing really a kind of dancing? Dance experts have been debating this for tens of thousands of years, but unfortunately the ones who began the conversation are now all dead and the ones who currently serve probably aren’t even aware that these conversations existed. Keeping a written record is not a dance expert’s strong suit. (What IS a strong suit? A reinforced leotard.) Anyhoo, crowd surfing, we can all agree, is definitely not dancing when it’s done this badly.

SIMMONS! Get in here. Oh, stop smiling. It doesn’t suit your square face.

Simmons, I called you into my office to tell you I’m letting you go home early for the day. I found an interesting video on The YouTubes and I plan to watch it for the rest of the afternoon. These women I found are CRAZY. Not that it’s any of your business.

So, Simmons, please turn off my light and shut the door behind you as you leave. If you see anyone else in the foyer, tell them to leave me in peace until at least 5:30 p.m. Oh, good lord, can these women shake it. It’s like they’ve got a spasm. Or the vapors. I just know it’s lunchtime and they’re serving up the tasties.

Please leave, Simmons. You’ve overstayed your welcome. Don’t make me fire your ass.

GET OUT, SIMMONS.

Before you think about making fun of this lady for her dancing or for her choice of concert (The Jonas Brothers), ask yourself this: “Do my arms have as much personality as the arms this lady’s got?”

Well, do they?

Didn’t think so.

It’s not intentional that we keep posting videos of people dancing at Lady Gaga concerts, but apparently that’s the only concert people seem to be going to and where they all dance. At least this one has a painful-looking face-first floor flop. Enjoy that! It’s at around 0:32.

If a patch of grass survives it when you do a dance like this on it, the grass will love you with all its grass heart and you will be grassmates forever and ever.

The shame in this is not that she falls in front of Lady Gaga’s big audience, but that this is after the second time she got up there, having fallen the first time as well.

Sometimes we wonder if the Jonas Brothers look out into the audience before a show, see stuff like this going on and say, “Nuh uh, no way. We are NOT going out there. Those girls are crazy and they will tear us into tiny bits with their energy.” That probably never happens, but it doesn’t stop us from imagining that.

These ladies are having a great time even if the guys around them aren’t. Next time, ladies, leave those dudes at home.

These girl’s hips are saying, “Girl, you look good!” LIARS!

I like the part where she walks off in mid-dance, offers up the hand and says, “That is enough. I am through with all of this and moving on to bigger and better things.” And the other two guys are like, “Huh. Boobs.” That is an artistic statement RIGHT THERE!