I like the part where she walks off in mid-dance, offers up the hand and says, “That is enough. I am through with all of this and moving on to bigger and better things.” And the other two guys are like, “Huh. Boobs.” That is an artistic statement RIGHT THERE!

She got eyes of the milky kind,
And if she danced in rain,
I’d have to stand real far away,
Or get elbowed in my brain.

Is it dancing if there’s absolutely no chance that you’ll spill the drink out your cup and you’re holding a conversation while you’re doing it? We’re on the fence about whether it’s really dancing, but we know there has to be some name for it.

Little-known fact: Springsteen is huge in the white-T-shirt-wearing rabbit community.

So your mother and your sister danced at a ZZ Top concert and you shot the video and posted it on the Web. We have nothing further to offer. You did the right thing.

“In retrospect,” said an organizer of last month’s DJ X-Travaganza concert, “it seems like a bad idea to have paid extra for security gates that are programmed to release pheromones.”

“Lady, I’m not… listen, you seem to have me mistaken for a pole at a strip club and… all right, well that’s OK, I guess. I mean, I only get paid about $10 an hour for this and — WHOAH! That is my business right there you just grazed! All right, I guess we’re done here, so I’ll just head over to the — YEEAAAAIIIKES! I thought I was out and you pulled me back in! All right, screw it. Let’s DO THIS. I just need assurances that I am your main guard pole. Your one and only swing-man. Your #1 pole position, if you will. I can stand here and you can dance off me, but please, lady — don’t be breaking my heart.”

…But then you got it right back when you got up and danced in front of all those people. You really should do something with all those loving feelings you have reacquired.

Instructional: if you are going to drink (and we’re not saying you did, but, you know… maybe some liquor is involved) and dance to Joe Cocker, it’s important that you simplify. Do not wear extraneous garments that might get in your way. Take off your jacket before you start dancing. You may take a tumble otherwise. Consider this video a warning.

Follow this workout, about 25 times a day, and you will have the calves of your dreams. Cankles be gone!