“Yes! This is what they said college would be like and they were so right!”

You are either on board or you must exit to the side right now.

ON OR OFF!?! DECIDE!

Sometimes a musical group will put out its own videos of fans dancing at its own concerts. Sometimes those videos have a lot of people sitting in chairs watching. Such is the case with the band BluzBenders, which as you can see, is rocking parts of Missouri.

This one won’t seem like much unless you skip ahead or stick with it until about 2:21 when the true glory of this video becomes evident.

You have to be patient with these things sometimes.

These things take effort sometimes. Dancing at a concert in a way that’s worth the attention doesn’t just happen. You gotta start small, get some moves going, start up the cyclone with a little lawnmower pull-cable action.

So… uh… is anybody watching yet? Should I funk it up harder?

As the video evidence suggests, it doesn’t work as a mating dance, it turns out.

You thought you got a good laugh at this guy at the festival, calling him “Cletus” and “Jim Varney” and trying to read the back of his tie-dyed shirt. When he left early, you joked that he was going to fix a carburetor for the Dukes of Hazzard and then make some moonshine for Tom Petty.

Who was laughing hardest when you got home late and found him in bed with your mother in a twisted mass of sunburned limbs and hair?

Who was laughing then?

All too often, during the hot summer outdoor concert season, exhibitionists forget to protect their tender neck backs while standing out from the crowd. Why not wear a head-shirt with extra-long sleeves? You’ll protect not just your neck, but your burn-prone shoulder bone-skin and your in-love-with-dancing handles. You can thank us later when you’re not lying on a bed with unsightly skin-cancer bills!

Stay safe!

Luckily, that’s what’s playing on stage.

Is crowd surfing really a kind of dancing? Dance experts have been debating this for tens of thousands of years, but unfortunately the ones who began the conversation are now all dead and the ones who currently serve probably aren’t even aware that these conversations existed. Keeping a written record is not a dance expert’s strong suit. (What IS a strong suit? A reinforced leotard.) Anyhoo, crowd surfing, we can all agree, is definitely not dancing when it’s done this badly.