“In retrospect,” said an organizer of last month’s DJ X-Travaganza concert, “it seems like a bad idea to have paid extra for security gates that are programmed to release pheromones.”

“Lady, I’m not… listen, you seem to have me mistaken for a pole at a strip club and… all right, well that’s OK, I guess. I mean, I only get paid about $10 an hour for this and — WHOAH! That is my business right there you just grazed! All right, I guess we’re done here, so I’ll just head over to the — YEEAAAAIIIKES! I thought I was out and you pulled me back in! All right, screw it. Let’s DO THIS. I just need assurances that I am your main guard pole. Your one and only swing-man. Your #1 pole position, if you will. I can stand here and you can dance off me, but please, lady — don’t be breaking my heart.”