You don’t have to be a famous Portuguese soccer player to look good when you dance at a concert, but goddamned if it doesn’t help.

All too often, during the hot summer outdoor concert season, exhibitionists forget to protect their tender neck backs while standing out from the crowd. Why not wear a head-shirt with extra-long sleeves? You’ll protect not just your neck, but your burn-prone shoulder bone-skin and your in-love-with-dancing handles. You can thank us later when you’re not lying on a bed with unsightly skin-cancer bills!

Stay safe!

This will stick with you the entire weekend. We promise.

A lot of videos like this we think are purely schtick. It’s not really a person losing himself in the moment of a concert’s music, but some dickweed trying to get cheap laughs in front of a crowd by overplaying his own dorkiness.

But then, on mornings like today, we don’t really care. We post the video anyway. Well played, shirtless guy at Eddie Money concert.

The only failure in concert dancing is not going all the way with it.

This guy is a failure.

We were not aware of Festival Guy until a reader named Knile tipped us off to him, but now we can’t get him out of our mind. He’s the pride of Rochester, but also of our hearts. Does this guy have moves or what? If we could get away with this, we’d grow out a white beard, take off our shirts and do that shit RIGHT NOW. Yes, in the cold. RIGHT NOW.

Who will win? When dick thrusts battle against the staid moves of the golf community, no one wins, not even in this looser post-Tiger era. All we have is collateral damage.

You can dance at an Iron Maiden concert, you can take your shirt off at an Iron Maiden and you can get drunk at an Iron Maiden concert, but doing all three at once is not something we advise.

You’ve heard of being “Hopped up on goofballs,” right? This guy is hopped up on himself. BECAUSE HE IS A GOOFBALL!

You may laugh, but this is actually the president of Norway. He takes pride in his appearance. You really ought to open your mind, you silly American.